What’s acting got to do with it?

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the heroine of the movie…….straight from London UK, the one and only Ms Chattereena Saif. Background ----- clap clap clap, hootings, whistles, shouts!

I’d want to thank my Mum, my Dad and my neighbour’s dog Sally for tolerating my late night overtures, in pursuit of stardom. Had they not been around to support me, I’d not be here.

Ms Saif, do you eat Indian food while in India? I mean during film shoots, what do you eat? 
Well, I manage with the salad and juices, as the spices are a little too difficult on my system and also I’d like to establish here that “masala” is not my scene. I’m more of a grill and bake person. I kind of like fish.

And Ms Saif, who’s your favourite hero? 
Well, I hate to be paired opposite to Newman Khan, as real life pairs are a little boring to watch on screen. The new generation offers a lot of promise; they are kind of free with me and DON’T CALL ME BHABI! In the waste generation, sorry I mean the Old generation, besides Newman of course, I prefer to work with BHAKSHAY Kumar, he holds me soooooo close and soooo tight in all those songs that we’ve done together. He’s a sweetheart.

Ma’m what about your accent, I mean you sound very fake when you deliver your dialogues?
Beg your pardon, you mean to say that I sound very BRRRRITISH!!! Well thank you for the compliment. And as far as speaking Hindi goes, I care two hoots (giggles away to glory). I mean come on, face it. Indians, don’t you so aspire the proximity of white skin? I mean, your fan following for me gives you out. You work day in and day out and spend abnormal proportions of your income to get your children into schools and circles where they can learn to speak like ME. And why curse me if I am born with that talent! I figured it out from the publicity I got out of one of the very first celluloid exposures, where I acted alongside two other famous models. Fact of the matter is that I was the ONLY one out of us three that managed whatever publicity was on the offing for that hi class jack shit of a creation, if you may associate the word creativity with that undignified production. You can still view my steamy cuts on you-tube.

Ma’m my young brother is absolutely head over heels in love with you, your aura, your majestic smile and your fulfilling presence on screen. Would you want to convey a message to today’s youth? 
Well I mean, I know, I know very well that the youth is in love with me…..aren’t you? Newman doesn’t let me be with Bhakshay and YoungBir Kapoor, fears I may end up on page 3, kissing them. What the heck! I know my limits and I’m a dignified girl. My mother is British and my Dad’s Indian, so I appreciate the Indian mentality. And keep working on the ACCENT. Skill or no skill, this world loves you if you can make it up like me (tee hee). Fitness is supreme and learning the “in-thing” is an advantage. Look at me, I am taller than most Bollywood heroes, but they all want me in their movies………in their songs. You know I can do the lapdance and belly dance really well. I even took professional coaching. Learn to move your booty girls……you’ll soon get rich.

Ms Saif, you did a movie that had two young heroes, one form Mumbai and the other from Lahore…..what was the experience like working with artistes from across the border? Was there any acrimony at all? 
Well there’s one thing for sure……”Boyz will be boyz”, no matter where they belong! And what borders are you talking about? The only border that exists in the subcontinent is the one between the haves and the have-nots. Ms Saif, last message for the nation? Yeah, I guess I’d say, keep appreciating the ACCENT and the color of my skin, for I have little besides that to qualify for even a side kick to a Bollywood heroine. What’s ACTING got to do with

True influence

Context:
I engaged in small talk after lunch with friends in office one day, and before I realized, we were talking of investment. “One tends to invest in properties that have either been highly recommended or where more than two friends decide to go it or where you have close ones. Mind you, your close ones are invariably your in-laws, your wife’s relatives.” I couldn’t avoid a laugh. It might have been derisively stated, but it is true as Hailey’s comet. Simply put, this is the ‘True influence’ in a man’s life.

Backdrop:
Man is a simple being with not so simple needs. Hence most of the times men find themselves out of sorts with real life situations. We want to keep really complicated things very simple. “Simple --- isn’t it?” is the way to conclude a really complicated discussion. We like to arrive at conclusions and we like to believe “Yes we did it. It was challenging, but what are challenges when faced with the whole of I-me-myself!” In a nutshell men are complicatedly simple.
Women are the exact opposite --- they are simply complicated. Complications are a part of a woman’s simplicity. In this labyrinth of simply complex compartments that constitute a women’s mental setup, is housed a closely guarded perimeter. This is her “my family” section. Most men find the definition of this “my family” difficult to understand. Well most men spend their lifetime attempting to understand it. Those who do manage to crack the riddle spend their lifetime attempting to qualify as family.
A marriage is depictive of this unnatural agreement that men and women give into, out hope for reaching sync for posterity. Never seen that happen though! While much has been spoken of the man woman mental composition, I for one am a big fan of this subject, who likes to revisit it time and again. Simple as I am, I like to derive simple pleasure out of indigenous analysis. An analysis that holds men at a higher pedestal as God’s creation vis-à-vis women. Not really conceited, eh!
M.C.P. was the word that friends and foes used to describe me and I hold no grudges to that. I grant every human the freedom of thoughts and expression, even at the cost of defame. With time and age, I have gained experience, rare experience that has gone into building my M.C.P-ness further and more precise.
Out of a 100 married friends that I studied as part of my “post nuptial arrangement”, I can safely say that over 85 can be easily be classified as “wife driven”. While it may not be a bad idea to be wife driven, it certainly comes across as feeble. Many smart men voluntarily fall under this category, after definitive planning. “Doing so keeps the arrangement going, as well as feeds the vanity of the partner!” is what they say. So the man’s world shifts from his home, parents and relations to his wife’s within a few years of marriage. Kids are the final nail in a man’s “my life-my priority” coffin. Kids have a definitive bend towards the maternal side with a serious disconnect towards the paternal side. This is true for the whopping majority of married friends I have observed, so far.

Analysis:
Remember the term “home maker”? A very informative piece of nomenclature, it is. Women are the ones who run the show at home. With the proliferation of the micro-family syndrome in urban India, they are left with their own devices to manage and optimize? Given a lack of association with the husband’s side (read parents) in the initial stages, the lady perseveres to take charge of not just her own but her husband’s and her kids’ lives. Very soon, all the effort hits a crescendo and falls in perfect harmony. Not all women are accommodative, well even men aren’t, so altering the way things are done, suddenly, is added challenge that they grapple with, in excess of the already pledged task of taking care of the (useless) husband and kids. Symptomatically husbands forget to introduce the lady to his side of the world, so the handshake seldom happens, leading to the much discussed situation. After all, if you didn’t help her when she was struggling in the initial stages, you can ill afford to advise her, once things are streamlined. That is so “not done”!

Remedy:
I invite one and all to share with me “panacea” for this widespread malady!

Death by Media

One burning issue; one topic that has the nation engaged and hooked on to television and radio. One bit that has spawn new presenters, announcers and anchors! Superstars and celebrities, in the making. What talking style and what impressive presentation, how immaculate was the grey of the suite and how impeccable was the tie matching the polka-dot shirt. 1.3 Billion to quote and a good 20% catchment over viewership, albeit spread across the plethora of old and new, performing and new-concept kind of News channels. Being part of media is by no way a mean feat.
Remember the epic of yore, “The World this week” presented and anchored by Pronnoy Roy, a program that etched a permanent place in young minds and mended opinions. Are we witnessing the culmination of that movement called “media” into a well orchestrated symphony that leads to instant stardom? Probably we are and why not, every focussed and farsighted struggle fetches apt rewards, if not immediately, then at the opportune moment. The way that program “The World this week” connected with the TG, it was a hit the moment it broke into prime-time broadcast.
Point that I very humbly want to bring up for consideration is that despite the high pedestal that India media enjoys, does it live up to that level of Social responsibility? High visibility calls for high integrity on the part of professionals representing media. After all who wouldn’t want the highest rated in-house channels incessantly ranting about your feat as a leader, Business, Social or Political? Has the “Truth shall prevail” kind of foundation, shifted towards a “Truth may get mired” kind of a stance? Incredible India with its breathtaking 7% plus GDP growth in the face of huge economic downturns in the developed world, offers that kind of opportunity, however sad, to those who want to make the most of it.
Broadly speaking News follows the following three stages of coverage over its period of life and broadcast………
Phase 1: Investigate; Unearth; Bring to the fore and hog footage
Phase 2: Analyze; Get experts talking; Hold a discussion forum and establish an opinion
Phase 3: Conclude and establish a valid point of view, YOUR point of view.
Every issue gets picked up; highlighted and played repeatedly till they leave an impression. Here howsoever hard I attempt to look back and rake my memory for want of one story that saw all the three phases, I can quote none. Is this a short term memory loss I am condemned to or do I see concurrence! The Anti graft uproar that the entire nation witnessed, last week ended on a high note. It was a high note for a celebrating nation and a frenzied mass that enjoys emoting. While everybody was happy to see a broad parliamentary consensus, and empathy towards implementation of Lokpal, Indian media left the story high and dry. While it is certainly too early to establish inadequacy of the media to seeing this episode to its end, but the hype and hoopla has for sure fizzed out from the channels. My best wished to Anna Hazare and his bastion of Lokpal supporters, for they can ill afford the truancy in News channels.
Media these days with all the glitz and glam leaves easy marks on impressionable minds and has trendy TRP ratings to validate the viewership of every prime-time broadcast. Well where is the synthesis of all that jazz? Covering Social sparks, Political unrest and coalition upheavals, celebrity gossip is by no means easy. But you can’t just let go of the most crucial story of yesterday, only because there is no further masala to exploit and leverage on the mass euphoria covering the issue. My big question is “Well what do you stand for?” Barring a noted Political bend displayed by leading Channels , and a full house of “available on the call” speakers, noted personalities from a wide cross section of public domains, Channels have obliterated any other position they stand for. “This story was first brought to you by our channel”, is the high pitched cry we hear. Fair enough, as this leads to corporate coffers and wealth for the Channel.
One can’t ask media to abstain from earning easy bucks, especially in these hard times. Is asking them to pursue their prime job really wrong?

The Alternative

Petrol is a fast receding commodity. The staggering demand for petrol keeps rising every day. Progress is a given and so is the development of ways of a quicker consumption of this scarce commodity. Cometh a day when there is no petrol on the face of the earth, how shall we manage? Manage to run the multitude of resource hungry applications, designed to give us comfort, comfort maybe beyond human needs. Needs is a queer trait that humans display, for it changes. Not person to person, but it changes within the same person. Funny, as we are then chasing chimera. For needs can never be met, is obvious. Or can they be? And at what cost?
Human needs and desires are let best with thinkers, philosophers and Management Gurus, to mull; the question for the lesser doyens of the intelligentsia is "What may this alternative be?" All that we innocuous mortals seek is a way to prolong our comfort, well yes man made comfort. Mankind has toiled for centuries to usurp nature and its manifestations, to bring in a state of play where comfort and desires are by now engrained in civil society. That certainly is a benefit that the human race reaps, thanks to the inventions and advancements in technology. Is it not apt to assume that for sure there will be some tech druid in his monastery praying to his God – his tools and chemicals, seeking an answer to “What may this alternative be?”
Can lateral thinking hold the answer?
Here is an imaginary or a not so imaginary solution. Can we not look at something that is guaranteed to last as long as man lives, something that is part of every human. If we step back a stride and review the requirement to specify the deliverable expected of this alternative, we realise that it needs to act as a fuel. An added advantage can be if this fuel comes with endless supply. Think hard, rake your brain, is there something that the child in you starts pointing at, something that you as a mature loathe to even consider as an option? Of course there is, it is the human urine. It comes with a guarantee of surplus production for as long as we discover a better option. I do not know if we actually need to work on a better option, if urine can play the placebo for the fuel hungry metal glen we live in.
Urine is rich in nitrogen, proteins, metabolites and contains an assortment of organic and inorganic salts. Isn’t there a way to use and synthesize these chemicals into yielding something more relevant, something more meaningful? A breakthrough……anyone……please???? Why do I feel that someone somewhere is pursuing this trail, and making headway by the hour! Is that mere phantasm, or the optimist in me kicking out, yearning to be heard, by the universe? After all, we have at some point in time in our lives believed. A common solution to an extremely sophisticated seems unbecoming, but hey isn’t that what we should learn from children. Well call it conjecture if you shall, but give the child in you a chance.
I do not wish to purport that we use urine in its raw form, as that comes with its share of possible epidemics. After all we are contemplating an element that human bodies discard, after efficient use. I wish to further my theory with a structure here. Urine should be the raw material that is accorded the requisite treatment for disinfection rendering it worthy of further processing. What we get as end result may be the answer to our quest for the alternative. Imagine if this theory comes true. Look at the possibilities it brings to the fore. For a moment if we ignore the vices that will wrap themselves around it, once it works, as greed is the bane of human-kind. Aren’t we our strongest enemies? I say this for I fail to conjure an explanation to the irrational amassing of wealth that the “haves” have perpetrated, at the cost of entire nations. If all this development has failed to instil humanity in men, nothing ever will. So we must know, there shall be evil, to deal with, always.
Close your eyes for a moment think of all the poverty in the world, and human forms that wish they were never born. Assume that the maniacs wielding power have a change of heart and lo – these lesser beings are fed, cared for. Even if out of greed, greed for securing more raw materials, they look after this ill fated lot, and mankind gets a second chance. Suddenly the tides would turn in favour of the third world, in a comparative sense though. They’d be in a better position than they are in today after all.
Oh for the love of comfort, give mankind a second chance.

Of Cricket and Superstitions

Being Indian qualifies me as one who has a point of view on Cricket, and why not. In the wake of the World cup victory after all these years, Cricket in India is agog. Mine is not to opine on which player is how good with his skill. I have an observation to share, on Cricketers. No I don’t intend to edify them or guide them to overcome vulnerable facets of their game, I leave that brackish drill to the overpaid coaches.
From my earliest memories of watching Cricket I was fascinated by Cricketers. Their persona, their lucid graceful movements the sheer glory associated with just about everything they did on field. They are such super athletes, especially with the kind of following Cricket enjoys in India. Important Cricket matches effect a total moratorium in India, audience fixed to their seats, watching hoping praying. Every supporter in his own way attempts to create the magical celestial alignment to help his team over the victory line. Not that our players do not reciprocate, they do and they do so in good measure. It is not just the fans watching on television, or in the stadium, but also the players, those exaltations of Indian aspiration in unison attempt to push the universe and its magical forces towards a favourable result.
The common name for these efforts is superstition. Superstition in the modern context is easily dismissed as an emotion attributed to lack of awareness to the conquests of Science and logic. Superstition many believe is an embedded part of the magnificent precinct of Indian society. There isn’t enough intellectual evidence qualifying this assumption as true or false at my disposal, hence I let that rest. Point that I would like to stress upon is that I have witnessed those larger than life Cricketers indulge in their superstitions on field, on camera, in matches. How amazing is that! Growing up with Cricket as an essential part of personality development, that bit sunk in involuntarily and demurely, in me.
Rake your minds to take cognizance of what you have seen. Mohinder Amarnath with his handkerchief; Ashok Malhotra with his trademark bat swirl before tapping into his stance; K Srikanth’s antics with his nose and moustache while batting; M.L. Jaisimha and Farukh Engineer’s scarves; Sachin Tendulkar’s striking white hat on his blue uniform in this world cup; MSD undoing and redoing his batting gloves prior to facing every delivery; MSD’s jerking of the neck to his right prior to every ball that spinners deliver; Srishanth’s fisting, praying, kissing the ball. To top it all, I used to take guard for the leg stick followed by guard for the middle stick. Before facing every delivery I’d draw a long line with my bat from the middle stump to the crease. Why do they do that? Why did I do that?
On the other side of the boundary line, the ubiquitous Indian fan. A frail frame painted in tricolour with Tendulkar anointed on his chest. I bob my head and recollect the image of the Pakistan fan. You would’ve seen him at Sharjah. He was an aging man with a wobbly gait, sporting a green cap. I can’t for the life of me remember an English Cricket fan or an Ozzi Cricket buff who stood out as much, match after match. I may well be mistaken here.

There exists an “unexplained” dimension for Superstition and super faith within us. Few brazenly identify with it and few do not. Those who can link up to it, see it as a source of secondary faith. It is a redundant pool you can draw from when it matters the most. It is our way of telling ourselves “God be with us” rather “May Luck favour us”. This belief, it manifests beyond cricket. I can easily look back and come up with instances when I laid claim to this secondary source of faith and drew shamelessly from it. Why not, I created it, for my personal use.
I remember using the same brand of pens for writing my exams. They brought me the unmentioned Good luck (Reynolds ball point). I also improvised my handwriting to incorporate the intentional italic bend, to bring me luck in evaluation. Well it worked. Always has. I am a qualified Engineer, however unworthy of the sacred Degree and I connect to this super faith thing.
Talking of logical souls connecting to the unexplained phenomena, Aamir Khan was spotted wearing the same T-shirt in India Pakistan Semi Finals and the India Sri Lanks Finals this 2011 ICC World Cup. For those who may not know Aamir Khan, he’s an Indian Actor reputed for his perfectionism and intellect. I did my bit to help team India win as well. I’ll come back to that.
While doing certain things brings luck, I propound that doing certain other things can ring in Bad luck as well. Over the last two decades of me watching Cricket I have observed, Sachin gets out if I watch him bat and India LOSES if I watch the entire match --- I’m referring to One day matches here.
I have been a true blue Indian Cricket fan and an avid Sachin-ist, and have done my bit to him pile up a heap of Centuries in both forms of the game. I have flirted with the idea of discarding my belief of not watching when Sachin was at the crease only to find him dismissed very early or in his mid 80s or early 90s without exception. Similar observations support my second theory too, so I don’t watch the full match. Our recent playoff with South Africa was a harsh reminder for me to stick to my beliefs. I did that with earnest and contributed to India’s ICC 2011 World cup victory.
ICC World cup 2011 Semi Final and Final matches: My TV was switched on for the entire duration of the match, with my family watching Channels that were NOT telecasting the match. I had issued firm instructions for all to abide, after all National pride was on line. I had discovered that I needed to place the TV remote at a particular angle on the right arm-rest of my single seat sofa, and I had to stand in the Kitchen. No I was not cooking, but straining my ears to capture noises from the neighbourhood. I had perfected the art of deciphering the sonorous cries of “Yeah” and “Come on” emanating from Indian households in my apartment building. On hearing one, I would run to the sofa, change to the Cricket channel, watch precisely another delivery and flip back to the inconsequential non-cricket channel. I assiduously kept to this routine, and Lo! India won the ICC 2011 Cricket World cup. I wore the same T-shirt for both the matches.
Now that India has won the World cup, Sachin’s long standing dream has been realised, I can deservedly go back to actively pursuing Cricket viewing. After all nothing betters watching a Cricket match with friends over chips and lager.

The Subcontinent and the Middle East

"But dear the Middle east is not exactly the place to be"; an inane remark, I recollect, one of my schoolmates made when I shared my plans of Middle East. I conjured the image of a man seeking experiences and knowledge as Paulo Coelho says in the Alchemist "wise men travel the deserts in search of knowledge". My mind was made up. Given the savings and an International experience to boast of, I was toying with the idea of taking up a professional assignment in the Middle East.
Conventionally speaking the whole of North India, thinks DUBAI, whenever one says "Middle East" or "the Gulf". North India by and large has a very objective approach to life, where most of the quests that life throws up should lead to Financial gains. Not that you will not find people who think otherwise, but this is the ideology of the majority there. So the perceived affluence and "lifestyle" of Dubai and its permanence in media, as the dream destination are reasons to be blamed. I was thoroughly impressed with the city Doha, even in my first visit, secretly fondling the craving to spend some years of my Professional life in this city. Coming from highly competitive cities in India like Delhi, Ahmedabad, Indore and also having worked in he cities where life is a celebration like Chandigarh and Bhopal, I found in Doha a picture perfect combination of the urbane modernism with the lifestyle of a Chandigarh / Pune. Now this offer was hard to quell.
But this is not about my experiences in India, but about my innate desire to experiment and learn.
At the onset, I must accord a thoroughly deserved praise, to Doha.
The limited population in a "not that big a city" serves as bliss for authorities. The population mix is as diverse as it can get; with the subcontinent being the majority of the expats. The Qatari population is little short of 50% of the overall population, and it is an affluent community, with one of the highest GDPs in the world. Coming back to the expats, there is good representation of the east - China, Philipines, Indonesia, Malaysia; and the subcontinent - Nepal, India, Sri Lanka, Pakistan. However these two blocks of expat population is today a serious contributor to Qatar's economy. The first block forms the backbone of the Service sector i.e those operating the Malls and Mc Donalds and the second block, the backbone of Construction and Banking. Initially it was only limited to Construction workers and gardners but now the subcontinent provides Bank Managers and FI Managers in Qatar --- a changing scenario. But it is following the trend already established in U.A.E. (read Dubai).
Putting things in perspective, what I'm trying to establish here is that the opening line of this piece where we encounter the affliction "M.E. - not the right place to be." M.E. has been the next frontier, after U.S. and Canada.
The income levels; tastes; education and lifestyle of expats from the subcontinent is not easy to pen out in a parchment. It is varied and diverse in the real sense of the word. Being in the service sector I have witnessed the sea change in the outlook of Managers towards, how to service this overwhelming group of expats. Epically the subcontinent only offered blue collar construction workers with low income level; but the influx of Management personnel is changing that composition ever so rapidly, that behoves the attention of the people managing the service sector.
Looking at it from the other side, as the EXPAT from the subcontinent......life is certainly easier than the dogged drills of a Delhi or Mumbai. Time consumed in traffic and transition over here is way lower, thanks to the limited city limits. Within its small periphery, Doha offers you decent options for entertainment, gatherings and eating, food being such an important component in our lives today. I have never had the good fortune of watching an International Cricket match in a stadium, but who knows, maybe soon. We get to see the best in class football; tennis and squash, as these are the sports that the region avidly follows.
Daily life is predominantly strung around work and the weekends are all about shopping; meeting up with friends and catching up.
Shopping has been specifically a lovable experience for me. The romance of retail, always gets the better of my abstinence. I neither profess frugality nor prodigal spending. I'm the experimental being who thrives on varied experiences, quite a few of which germinate at the Retail outlets in those opulent malls here. You name it and they have it, from brands to necessities catering to typically regional tastes and preferences. The accumulation is very global, and for me the experience has been mesmerising. Coming from Delhi (India) and getting through the Billing counters in that kind of time, form a big part of my good shopping experience.

What we do see as an area of improvement is the "not the best" public transportation in Doha. I'm sure with the kind of plans being dished out for the coming Soccor World cup, that's in for a quick fix. As of now, your own vehicle is a must for survival.

It takes an expat 3 to 4 hours to reach Delhi, Lahore, Colombo on a straight flight and god knows how many other variations one can work out on hopping flights. The proximity to Dubai and Bahrain adds to the "to cover" list of travellers and professionals serving in Doha. Europe is half a dozen hours away and London will take you an hour or two more. If you fancy the Istanbul Macedonia corridor, through to Greece, Middle East is just the place to kick off your travel. For those from the subcontinent who find travelling and exploring interesting, these are exhilarating details.

For all who have a not so favourable opinion of the Middle East, I recommend a one time travel covering Dubai, Doha, Bahrain. Its a modern world out here in the desert and believe me, you will have a change of heart.