Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the heroine of the movie…….straight from London UK, the one and only Ms Chattereena Saif.
Background ----- clap clap clap, hootings, whistles, shouts!
I’d want to thank my Mum, my Dad and my neighbour’s dog Sally for tolerating my late night overtures, in pursuit of stardom. Had they not been around to support me, I’d not be here.
Ms Saif, do you eat Indian food while in India? I mean during film shoots, what do you eat?
Well, I manage with the salad and juices, as the spices are a little too difficult on my system and also I’d like to establish here that “masala” is not my scene. I’m more of a grill and bake person. I kind of like fish.
And Ms Saif, who’s your favourite hero?
Well, I hate to be paired opposite to Newman Khan, as real life pairs are a little boring to watch on screen. The new generation offers a lot of promise; they are kind of free with me and DON’T CALL ME BHABI! In the waste generation, sorry I mean the Old generation, besides Newman of course, I prefer to work with BHAKSHAY Kumar, he holds me soooooo close and soooo tight in all those songs that we’ve done together. He’s a sweetheart.
Ma’m what about your accent, I mean you sound very fake when you deliver your dialogues?
Beg your pardon, you mean to say that I sound very BRRRRITISH!!! Well thank you for the compliment. And as far as speaking Hindi goes, I care two hoots (giggles away to glory). I mean come on, face it. Indians, don’t you so aspire the proximity of white skin? I mean, your fan following for me gives you out. You work day in and day out and spend abnormal proportions of your income to get your children into schools and circles where they can learn to speak like ME. And why curse me if I am born with that talent! I figured it out from the publicity I got out of one of the very first celluloid exposures, where I acted alongside two other famous models. Fact of the matter is that I was the ONLY one out of us three that managed whatever publicity was on the offing for that hi class jack shit of a creation, if you may associate the word creativity with that undignified production. You can still view my steamy cuts on you-tube.
Ma’m my young brother is absolutely head over heels in love with you, your aura, your majestic smile and your fulfilling presence on screen. Would you want to convey a message to today’s youth?
Well I mean, I know, I know very well that the youth is in love with me…..aren’t you? Newman doesn’t let me be with Bhakshay and YoungBir Kapoor, fears I may end up on page 3, kissing them. What the heck! I know my limits and I’m a dignified girl. My mother is British and my Dad’s Indian, so I appreciate the Indian mentality. And keep working on the ACCENT. Skill or no skill, this world loves you if you can make it up like me (tee hee). Fitness is supreme and learning the “in-thing” is an advantage. Look at me, I am taller than most Bollywood heroes, but they all want me in their movies………in their songs. You know I can do the lapdance and belly dance really well. I even took professional coaching. Learn to move your booty girls……you’ll soon get rich.
Ms Saif, you did a movie that had two young heroes, one form Mumbai and the other from Lahore…..what was the experience like working with artistes from across the border? Was there any acrimony at all?
Well there’s one thing for sure……”Boyz will be boyz”, no matter where they belong! And what borders are you talking about? The only border that exists in the subcontinent is the one between the haves and the have-nots. Ms Saif, last message for the nation? Yeah, I guess I’d say, keep appreciating the ACCENT and the color of my skin, for I have little besides that to qualify for even a side kick to a Bollywood heroine. What’s ACTING got to do with
I’d want to thank my Mum, my Dad and my neighbour’s dog Sally for tolerating my late night overtures, in pursuit of stardom. Had they not been around to support me, I’d not be here.
Ms Saif, do you eat Indian food while in India? I mean during film shoots, what do you eat?
Well, I manage with the salad and juices, as the spices are a little too difficult on my system and also I’d like to establish here that “masala” is not my scene. I’m more of a grill and bake person. I kind of like fish.
And Ms Saif, who’s your favourite hero?
Well, I hate to be paired opposite to Newman Khan, as real life pairs are a little boring to watch on screen. The new generation offers a lot of promise; they are kind of free with me and DON’T CALL ME BHABI! In the waste generation, sorry I mean the Old generation, besides Newman of course, I prefer to work with BHAKSHAY Kumar, he holds me soooooo close and soooo tight in all those songs that we’ve done together. He’s a sweetheart.
Ma’m what about your accent, I mean you sound very fake when you deliver your dialogues?
Beg your pardon, you mean to say that I sound very BRRRRITISH!!! Well thank you for the compliment. And as far as speaking Hindi goes, I care two hoots (giggles away to glory). I mean come on, face it. Indians, don’t you so aspire the proximity of white skin? I mean, your fan following for me gives you out. You work day in and day out and spend abnormal proportions of your income to get your children into schools and circles where they can learn to speak like ME. And why curse me if I am born with that talent! I figured it out from the publicity I got out of one of the very first celluloid exposures, where I acted alongside two other famous models. Fact of the matter is that I was the ONLY one out of us three that managed whatever publicity was on the offing for that hi class jack shit of a creation, if you may associate the word creativity with that undignified production. You can still view my steamy cuts on you-tube.
Ma’m my young brother is absolutely head over heels in love with you, your aura, your majestic smile and your fulfilling presence on screen. Would you want to convey a message to today’s youth?
Well I mean, I know, I know very well that the youth is in love with me…..aren’t you? Newman doesn’t let me be with Bhakshay and YoungBir Kapoor, fears I may end up on page 3, kissing them. What the heck! I know my limits and I’m a dignified girl. My mother is British and my Dad’s Indian, so I appreciate the Indian mentality. And keep working on the ACCENT. Skill or no skill, this world loves you if you can make it up like me (tee hee). Fitness is supreme and learning the “in-thing” is an advantage. Look at me, I am taller than most Bollywood heroes, but they all want me in their movies………in their songs. You know I can do the lapdance and belly dance really well. I even took professional coaching. Learn to move your booty girls……you’ll soon get rich.
Ms Saif, you did a movie that had two young heroes, one form Mumbai and the other from Lahore…..what was the experience like working with artistes from across the border? Was there any acrimony at all?
Well there’s one thing for sure……”Boyz will be boyz”, no matter where they belong! And what borders are you talking about? The only border that exists in the subcontinent is the one between the haves and the have-nots. Ms Saif, last message for the nation? Yeah, I guess I’d say, keep appreciating the ACCENT and the color of my skin, for I have little besides that to qualify for even a side kick to a Bollywood heroine. What’s ACTING got to do with
2 comments:
Lovely piece, Arup. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Might have a few minor comments on the technical aspects.
Also, are you using Blogger's new editor? If you are, it would explain the continuity of the text in the same para. I myself tried the new editor, saw that the bug couldn't be worked around, so reverted to the old editor.
Looking forward to more.
Newman Khan...Bhakshay Kumar...hahahaha....still laughing!! Awesome stuff....You sure you didn't take Russel Peters help??
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